Monday 3 July 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Parliament introduces ‘No Pants Friday’


Parliament dress code

Following John Bercow’s announcement that there will be no requirement to wear ties to Parliament, he has gone further by introducing ‘No Pants Fridays’ where ministers will be allowed, but not required, to go commando.

“Ministers spend an awful lot of time sat on hot leather seats,” explained Mr Bercow.

“After a long day, this can lead to some apocalyptic wedgies which can prove particularly uncomfortable and embarrassing.

“I hope that by introducing No Pants Friday, we can relieve the discomfort and embarrassment caused by these underpant issues.”

Mr Bercow revealed that he had the idea after witnessing a Member of Parliament finding herself in the difficult position of discussing the statistics for cancer recovery in the north of England whilst reaching down the back of her skirt to pull her underpants from her intergluteal cleft.

“Yes, No Pants Friday is purely a practical decision for comfort, and should not be interpreted in any way as being a sexy day.”

Although the first No Pants Friday last week was generally considered a success, there were a few red faces after Phillip Hammond didn’t seem to realise that although it was No Pants Friday, ministers were still expected to wear trousers.

It is understood there are no further plans to introduce further dress code relaxations, despite Boris Johnson’s intense lobbying for Topless Tuesdays.

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