Friday 30 June 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Woman disappoints another birthday recipient with homemade gift


handmade present

A woman has made a birthday gift by hand. Again.

Elizabeth King, 32, makes her own pots, knits scarves and paints pictures instead of just going to a shop and buying something like a non-freak.

“It’s just so much more personal,” explained Elizabeth.

“Like Simon I know is a classy guy, so I’ve moulded him an ashtray for when he’s smoking cigars and philosophising over a brandy, and I’ve carved his initals, ‘SJW’ into the base.”

Birthday-boy Simon Williams, 30, said, “I don’t smoke, my middle name is Christopher, I’m a teetotaller and I hate thinking.

“Other than that, fucking spot-on, love.

“I don’t mean to be ungrateful but it does feel a bit like Elizabeth gives out this tat because she likes making it, rather than the idea that the recipient might like or even keep any of it.”

Another of Elizabeth’s friends, Jay Cooper, said, “Elizabeth fashioned me a walking cane for my birthday- I say ‘fashioned’, she bought an existing walking cane and glued a snowglobe to the top.

“It would have been a shit gift even if I wasn’t wheelchair-bound.”

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