Friday 30 June 2017 by Arabin Patson

‘Bollocks to the rules’, says Jon Snow after experiencing Glastonbury ‘spiritual awakening’


Jon Snow Channel 4 news

The iconic newsman tweeted that he ‘ain’t tame no more’ after taking molly and watching Dua Lipa perform IDGAF.

Since his return, the traditionally reserved presenter has shocked colleagues by his impulsive behaviour.

He reportedly walked up to Krishna Guru-Murthy, kissed him passionately and sauntered away saying he had waited ten years for that moment.

Mr Snow has also generated controversy for referring to the government as “Babylon” and beginning each show with an acknowledgement of his privilege.

Because of his status, the staff at Channel 4 News are trying to work around his new personality, as explained production assistant Simon Williams.

“We had to agree to let his Capoeira group practice on the roof just to get him to wear a suit.

“He’s got these new piercings he’s really proud of, you see. He does hug people a lot now and got all the interns to go on a living-wage strike but we’ll make it work.

“Although the weather might be replaced with a showcasing of buskers that he likes.”

However, industry insiders reveal that Mr Snow’s connection to his inner self has affected broadcasts. It is said an interview with Nigel Farage was cancelled after the presenter swore he would “chin the slimy fucker on sight”.

There was some good news for Channel 4 as Ofcom rejected a complaint by the Conservative party and deemed it a fair and factual statement that young Tories who think they’re funny are utter bellends.

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