Wednesday 28 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Tower block residents without sprinkler systems just relieved the Government has a stable majority


Happy with DUP govt majority

Hundreds of thousands of tower block residents without adequate fire precautions have expressed relief that the Government has managed to form a stable coalition with the DUP.

The residents, who face flammable cladding on their tower blocks as well as limited fire precautions inside, say they rarely sleep since the Grenfell Tower fire for fear that the Government might not be able to get legislation through Parliament.

“I’m just glad they spent the one billion pounds on something sensible like bribing the DUP rather than just frittering it away on trivialities like improving fire-safety in tower blocks,” said resident Simon Williams.

“I mean, I can always fashion a makeshift rope ladder out of sheets to escape if my block catches fire, but if the Government doesn’t have the backing to force through a hard Brexit then that would be an unimaginable disaster, wouldn’t it.”

There have been suggestions that just ten percent of the amount given to the DUP would be enough to install sprinkler systems in all tower blocks.

“Sprinkler systems? Waste of money. I can just hang a bucket of water from the ceiling and, in the event of a fire, upturn it.

“Although, it would be nice if the Government could reimburse me for the buckets.”

The Government has since confirmed that it would not be reimbursing Mr Williams for the buckets as it needs to spend that money on anti-abortion leaflets for the DUP.

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