Wednesday 28 June 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Bus written off after trying to come between Englishman and pint


Reading man hit by bus

A bus has been badly damaged after trying to stop an Englishman having a pint.

Simon Smith was on his way for a beer at The Purple Turtle when a bus rounded the corner and attempted to mow him down.

“But he just kind of bounced off it and he was fine,” said witness, Eleanor Shaw.

“He flew a good twenty feet, landed, got right back up, dusted himself off and said ‘where was I… oh yes, pint’ before walking into the pub. It was extraordinary.

“It was like he was Superman, but if Superman was motivated by important things like beer.”

Bus passenger, Tracy Fowler, said, “It was quite something.

“When the bus hit Simon, the bus driver said ‘FUCK! I think I’ve killed him’ and then said ‘FUCK! I think he’s killed the bus!’ It was a real rollercoaster of emotion.

“Honestly we all fancied a pint after that but the police turned up so we thought it best to answer some boring questions before getting shitfaced with Simon.

Policeman Simon Williams, said, “The windscreen shattered on impact. Mr Smith should have at least broken a bone but the only thing he broke was a bus.

“He’s either a Terminator or he’s the most British man that ever lived.”

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