Sunday 25 June 2017

Alternate universe sees Nigel Farage appear on Glastonbury main stage and be drowned in warm piss


Glastonbury Nigel Farage

After complaining that the BBC had used his licence fee to cover Jeremy Corbyn’s appearance at Glastonbury, former UKIP leader Nigel Farage has been told by residents of an alternative universe that his appearance on the same stage did not go well.

Farage took to Twitter to complain that the BBC was giving Corbyn the sort of platform his eleven hours on Question Time did not, insisting he too could have been a hit on the festival scene.

However, a resident of the alternate universe in which Farage was at Glastonbury told us, “If you’re talking about Nigel Farage’s festival hit, then you must be talking about the bottle of warm piss that hit him square in the face.

“The Foo Fighters got an incredible cheer when they appeared on stage, but nothing compared to the roar of approval when Farage was dowsed in what looked like an elephant bladder’s worth of urine.

“That first load of piss created a deluge effect, where at first dozens, then hundreds, then thousands of festival goers made their way to the stage to hurl various types of excrement in Farage’s general direction.

“It’s a shame we can’t share photos across the multiverse because I’ve got some absolute belters of him desperately trying to wipe enough piss from his eyes that he can find his way off the stage.

“Honestly, he’s the least popular populist we’ve ever had at the festival.

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