Friday 23 June 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Next door’s row frustratingly not quite loud enough to follow


Man with glass to the wall

Them next door are arguing again, but not so that you can enjoy it.

The couple moved in about a year ago and seem to enjoy a generally healthy relationship but seem to have an absolutely cracking argument once a fortnight.

Street resident, Elizabeth King, said, “like clockwork, usually on a Friday night. Probably after a few glasses of wine judging by the massive “clink-bang” they always make in the recycling the next morning.

“They really should speak up though. If you’re going to keep the whole street awake with your shit, at least make sure it’s a popcorn-worthy experience. Maybe even throw in a song or two.

“At the moment all I can hear is “mnrrr-urrr-URRRRR!” which is no good for gossip.

“They’re either arguing about cars, bars or bras,” said fellow neighbour, Simon Williams, a glass to the wall.

“So he’s either a terrible driver, or he drinks too much, or she’s found another woman’s underwear.

“I’m assuming it’s all his fault because my wife always informs me it’s always mine, and I don’t see why their relationship should be any more balanced.”

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