Friday 23 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Jeremy Corbyn prepares DJ set of 90s gangster rap for Glastonbury


Jeremy Corbyn

Labour leader, Messiah, and winner of 2017’s socialist beard of the year Jeremy Corbyn is preparing for his appearance at Glastonbury.

It is understood that Mr Corbyn has abandoned plans to give a speech on social injustice in favour of a half-hour set of classic gangster rap from the likes of NWA, Nas, and Wu-Tang-Clan.

“Yeah, I’ll be going to see Jeremy Corbyn, he’s definitely the greatest man who ever lived,” said young person Simon Williams.

“I’m a bit disappointed that it’s only a DJ set though, the rumour was that he was going to be spitting rhymes over some old school beats laid down by some old guy called Grandmaster something or other.

“That would have been brilliant because he’s so brilliant.”

Mr Corbyn’s love of gangster rap stems from his time as a young firebrand rapper from the LA Projects.

As part of Cypress Hill, Mr Corbyn had a big hit with Insane in the Brain before quitting the group, joining the Labour party and leading the UK to an eternal socialist utopia.

There are some critics sceptical of Mr Corbyn’s appearance on the Pyramid Stage on Saturday, but even if he stands with his back to the audience humming The Red Flag, he will still be more entertaining than Ed Sheeran on Sunday.

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