Thursday 22 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Majority of people not raging shitheads, finds study


Most people not shitheads

A study has revealed that despite the recent behaviour of some individuals, the vast majority of people are not raging shitheads.

The study was commissioned in the wake of a recent, wide-ranging bout of shitheadery from across the social spectrum.

Surprisingly, the results of the survey showed that most people are not raging shitheads. They have no interest in murdering other people to prove that their sky-fairy is better than other people’s sky-fairy, nor do they have a sociopathic desire for power that leads them to put the fate of a country in balance, nor will they commit financial fraud on an industrial scale for their own benefit, nor are they Piers Morgan.

The majority of people are, in fact, more like Simon Williams, a normal person.

“Basically, I just want to go to work, come home, watch Gogglebox and go to the football on Saturdays,” he said.

“If I can fit in the occasional trip to the pub, then fine. I’m not really that arsed about God or power and haven’t wanted to murder anyone since I last caught a Southern Rail train.”

Although there are some examples of minor shitheadery revealed in the survey; hogging the middle-lane and not putting the toilet roll on the right way round, the survey was clear that raging shitheads were in the tiny, tiny minority.

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