Thursday 22 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

EU leaders told not to laugh at Theresa May


Theresa May EU talks

EU leaders have been told not to laugh hysterically as UK ‘Prime’ Minister Theresa May addresses them for the first time since losing her majority in the recent election.

It is understood Mrs May will make a ‘generous’ statement on the subject of EU nationals in the UK as she still appears under the impression that she can have any sort of influence over the Brexit deal.

“We have been told by Mr Juncker that we are not to laugh at poor old Mrs May,” said a delegate who wished to remain anonymous.

“It will be very, very hard, because of her silly election, and the accusing the EU of interfering in the silly election, and her silly face.”

EU leaders consider Mrs May’s utter lack of competence to be so complete that many believe she will fall on her backside during her address, or soil herself, or receive a pie to the face.

Following her presentation, the other 27 EU leaders will hold a brief Brexit conference without Mrs May where they will discuss the relocation of London-based EU medicine and banking agencies and take five minutes to absolutely piss themselves laughing at whatever feeble nonsense she just espoused.

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