Tuesday 20 June 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Britain First member expelled after acquiring tan


Britain First

A member of the far-right fuckwit brigade, Britain First, has been expelled after getting a bit too brown.

Simon Williams, 31, had been an active member of the depressingly popular froth ‘n’ shout conglomerate ever since an Asian work colleague was promoted above him (although he was definitely better qualified anyway).

“Simon Williams is a traitor,” confirmed Britain First spokesperson, Terry McBollocks.

“Our rules are very clear, we have no problem with members of any race who want to live here in the UK peacefully. However, we are very, very suspicious that Simon has decided to turn brown after all these years of being British, and yes we do believe those two things are mutually exclusive.

“So, for the safety and integrity of our group, we are expelling him until such time as he’s feeling and looking like himself again. Because we don’t know this new Simon. We don’t know what his intentions are.

“Basically, no whitey, no likey.”

Williams was understandably confused.

“Mainly because I always have been, even by things like basic maths,” confirmed Williams.

“But now I’m out of the group that I love because of a tan.

“I don’t get it. It’s the kind of decision you’d expect from a narrow-minded group of emotionally stunted, gibbering morons.

“It’s not what I’d expect from Britain First at all.

“Although I do get their point a little bit. I don’t like looking in the mirror as much right now.”

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