Monday 19 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

New species of half bike/half prick emerges


Cyclist

Scientists have hailed the next stage in evolution as a new species of half bike/half prick emerges from the roads of the home-counties.

“Fascinating creatures,” said Stephen Emmsworth, a professor of peculiar and unpleasant things at Oxford University.

“Their bottom half is bike, their top half is humanoid, specifically of the prick genus.

“They are capable of primitive vocalisations but their vocabulary seems limited to the words ‘f**k’ and ‘off.’”

The new creatures can be found travelling in packs along the minor roads of the countryside about a metre or two from the edge of the road and seem to be driven by a basic biological compulsion to not move over and let anyone pass.

“We believe they have evolved from the those human beings whose lives are so desperate and empty that they can only take joy from wrapping themselves in lycra and getting in the way of people who have to get somewhere,” continued Professor Emmsworth.

The new creatures are as yet unnamed although scientists are referring to them as ‘Pricksicles’

It is understood that the new species is related to the half bike/half arsehole creatures that for many years have been found in city centres, speeding through red traffic lights and thinking they own the bloody place.

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