Saturday 17 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Man, inevitably, gets fidget spinner stuck in bottom


Fidget spinner stuck up arse

To the shock of absolutely no one, a man has got a fidget spinner lodged in his bottom.

Fidget spinners are the latest toy craze to sweep the UK and, as such, it was only a matter of time before a man decided to put one up his bottom, and only a slightly longer matter of time until it became lodged there and needed surgical intervention.

Naturally, the man claimed it to be an accident.

“I was roasting a big chicken,” claimed Southend man Simon Williams, convincingly.

“And I thought that an efficient method of basting the chicken would be to dip the fidget spinner in oil and then spin it, giving a nice spray of oil across the entire chicken, I then put the oily fidget spinner on the floor and forgot about it.

“Later on, I was doing the washing up in my pants and accidentally touched a still piping-hot roasting pan to a cheek.”

“I was immediately in agony, and in my delirium sat on the oily fidget spinner thinking it would provide a cooling relief, and it went up my bottom.

“That’s the truth, that is. I’m not like one of those weirdos who gets bored after his third can of super strength lager and wonders what it would feel like to stick a fidget spinner up his bottom.”

From Furbies to Tamagotchis, the great British public will always love sticking the latest toy craze up their bottoms. We can only be grateful that hula-hoops have never made any meaningful comeback.

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