Wednesday 14 June 2017 by Alex Webster

Government salutes the bravery of firefighters whose funding they’ve been cutting


Firemen, cuts

The government has praised the fire service for protecting the public despite the savage cuts they have imposed upon them since 2010.

Ministers have hailed the bravery and vigilance of the London Fire Brigade in the wake of the Grenfell tower fire, while conveniently forgetting to mention that they have been systematically underfunding them for years.

As one government official said, “We are all impressed with and thankful to the fire service. They deserve great praise.

“A part of me couldn’t help but wonder how things would’ve turned out if we’d given them all the money they needed instead of double-digit cuts, but it was either that or a new OLED television in the House of Commons canteen. And we all love The Daily Politics show. Second homes don’t come cheap either.”

Fire Brigade Commander Simon Williams commented, “We are grateful for the kind words of those in government, but unfortunately, the people who supply our equipment won’t accept a video of Theresa May saying nice things about us as payment against their invoices, and we can’t hire back the 10,000 lost firefighters with a nice tweet from Boris Johnson.

A government insider concluded, “The government has promised to make fire service funding a priority at the next budget. Or maybe the one after that. Whatever.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: