Tuesday 13 June 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Buffy the Vampire Slayer to stop Michael Gove from destroying the Earth


Buffy the Vampire slayer to take on Michael Gove

Buffy the Vampire Slayer has been identified as the one person on earth that can keep Michael Gove out of a government office permanently.

The lovely bit of 90s crumpet is returning to the world of vampire/monster hunting to finally put an end to the repugnant Environment Secretary.

“Wooden stake through the heart. It’s the only way,” confirmed Buffy Summers.

“I mean every single other thing that should reasonably keep someone away from a cabinet position has failed, so the only way to stop Gove from destroying the earth is to literally end his life.

“It might sound drastic, but it’s either him or the Polar Bears. What choice would you make?”

A spokesperson for Michael Gove said, “the rumours that Michael Gove is a hideous monster from the netherworld impervious to political embarrassment are unfounded.

“He was laughing about it this morning while feasting on the bloody hearts of recently arrested Greenpeace protestors.

“Then he went “mwahaha”, which I assume was done in irony.”

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