Monday 12 June 2017

Theresa May appeases DUP’s climate change deniers by handing environment to incompetent bellend


Michael Gove

Theresa May is doing her best to win over the DUP by handing responsibility for the environment to a complete bellend.

Michael Gove has been made environment secretary as part of Theresa May’s cabinet reshuffle, in a move designed to placate the DUPs contingent religious fanatics who think ‘science’ is a swearword.

A spokesperson for the DUP told reporters, “We are well-known for our anti-science climate change denying position, so the appointment of Michael Gove to lead the charge in this area is excellent news.

“Yes, we would have preferred the government to say they don’t care about the environment and that climate change is a hoax perpetuated by people who think the Earth is more than 6,000-years-old – but having Michael Gove in this role is a very close second place.

“We’re pretty sure the end result will be much the same.”

Gove himself has welcomed the appointment and has said he will do everything in his power to influence the nation’s environment policy to the best of his ability.

He clarified, “Rest assured; I will do for the environment precisely what I did for education.

“You’re welcome.”

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