Saturday 10 June 2017 by Gary Stanton

Lame ducks angrily reject comparisons to Theresa May


lame ducks Theresa May

Ducks with severe mobility problems are furious with comparisons to the ‘incompetent Dalek-voiced hag in Downing Street’, this morning.

Mallard, Simon Williams, has difficulty walking since shooting himself in the foot while trying to increase his territorial share of nearby Raby Mere.

Williams, who is currently breeding, has built an impressive nest at the site, which, until recently, was widely regarded as being strong and stable.

However, the unseasonal stormy weather has left his home looking bedraggled, leading other drakes to challenge his authority.

Williams says he will now attempt to shore up his power base by forming a shaky alliance with moorhens and coots, many of whom share his predilection for water-based gang rape.

Williams said, “That’s where the comparisons end.

“I indulge in certain activities due to a powerful sex drive coupled with a value system unencumbered by traditional Christian morality.

“Quack quack……..quaaaaaaaack.

“But I speak for all ducks when I say that none of us would attack the disabled in the way Theresa May’s government has done.

“She’s about as popular around here as pancakes and Ho Sin sauce.”

He added,

“Furthermore – has she ever raised a family of twelve, nine of whom have been gobbled up by a heron?

“Has she fuck.”

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