Saturday 10 June 2017 by Davywavy

Everyone suddenly an expert on Northern Ireland


Northern Ireland politics

Absolutely everyone on the British mainland is suddenly an expert on Northern Irish politics, it has emerged today.

Irish politics have proven a nigh-intractable problem for centuries, but all of a sudden everyone on the Internet has a depth of knowledge which has eluded the world’s finest minds to date.

Popular ideas include a neat division into ‘goodies’ and ‘baddies’ allocated according to who the leader of your preferred political party is closest to, or acting like the DUP and Sinn Feinn are just the Tories and Labour under different names.

Suggestions that only someone marinated from birth in a heady broth of sectarian bitterness and grievance can truly comprehend the myriad and shifting alliances and factions were dismissed as “Lol ur stupids”.

The involvement of American commenters has been welcomed because their well-informed input always makes things tremendously better.

“I reject the idea of a complex, messy situation which risks me getting it wrong,” said Kettering-based Internet Prime Minister Simon Williams.

“I’d like to see a coalition government emerge, but only if it is solely based around people who I happen to think of as the ‘goodies’.

“The fact that the government has failed to accommodate all of my contradictory wishes means I win the Internet today, and they don’t deserve to be in power.

“So there,” he added, smugly.

However, any suggestion that politics is time-consuming, very expensive, involves grubby compromises and certainly features people we might not normally want to deal with has been rejected as completely unacceptable.

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