Friday 9 June 2017 by Eddy Healy

Satirists left furious as pre-written Tory victory articles go in the bin


Satirists furious

Satirists have woken with outrage to discover their pre-prepared stories bashing a comfortable Conservative majority are now about as much use as a UKIP vote.

“What a pisser,” moaned Simon Williams, who when not writing left-leaning Corbyn rhetoric drinks green tea, works part-time at a second-hand bookshop and claims to be working on a screenplay.

“I actually wanted Theresa May to win. Not for that strong and stable government nonsense, but it meant my material pretty much wrote itself for the next month.

“‘Theresa May regenerates into Margaret Thatcher’, ‘Boris Johnson unzips flies and asks EU to look at his massive majority’, ‘Non-Tory voters given hearing aids to pick up sound of the silent majority’. They’re now useless… all sodding useless.”

Asked how he would respond to the hung parliament with his self-proclaimed ‘biting satire’, Mr Williams didn’t sound overly upbeat.

“Maybe I could do another self-referential piece about trying to be funny while keeping up with all the latest news. You know, go ultra meta. A bit like I did after Brexit when everything was kicking off from Westminster.

“Or perhaps I could do one like ‘Paul Nuttall given rose-tinted glasses to try and spot positives in UKIP election result’. It’s difficult to say at the moment; there’s a lot of uncertainty.

“Whatever happens, I just hope it gets a lot of ‘likes’ so I can fool myself into believing I’m popular.”

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