Friday 9 June 2017

Losing is the new winning, insist Labour


Jeremy Corbyn election result

Finishing behind your opponent is the new winning, according to Labour officials this morning.

Despite not being able to form a majority government, and finishing with about sixty fewer seats than the Conservatives, the Labour party is celebrating like lottery winners on their way to a Bentley showroom.

A party spokesperson told us, “For too long this country has defined winning as finishing first and beating the opposition, but today I can tell you that has clearly changed.

“The nation has spoken, and they have said that winning is now finishing a distant second and failing to achieve your political objectives.

“Yes, doing this badly for seats in 2010 was seen as a massive defeat for Gordon Brown, but this is 2017, and so it’s a big win for Jeremy Corbyn.

“Crack open the champagne!”

Labour voter Simon Williams told us, “Look, I get that on paper this looks a lot like losing, but we lost by less than people thought we would, to a winner who won by less than expected, so that technically makes us a winner.

“Shut up, yes it does.”

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