Friday 9 June 2017 by Pete Redfern

Let’s just make Sir David Attenborough Prime Minister and get on with our lives, nation suggests


David Attenborough

With yesterday’s general election resulting in a hung parliament, the British electorate has suggested a novel solution.

Growing more sick and tired of lying career politicians and outrageous media manipulation on a daily basis, the population of the United Kingdom have suggested that national treasure and trustworthy legend Sir David Attenborough be put in charge of running the country.

British voter and convenient mouthpiece Simon Williams, who started the ‘Make David Attenborough PM’ movement after awaking to find parliament once again hanging like a shire horse told reporters, “This is an incredibly straightforward solution to the absolute mess that is British politics today.

“Sir David has seen the world, knows pretty much everything there is to know about anything you need to know about, and has the best interests of the whole world, let alone the United Kingdom, at heart.

“In terms of his cabinet, I propose Stephen Fry as home secretary, Stephen Hawking as Chancellor, Dame Judi Dench as foreign secretary and John Cleese as culture secretary. Oh, and JK Rowling as secretary of state for education.

“That will be a good starting line-up to the most successful, trustworthy and downright loveable government in history.

“Christ, they could make any number of mistakes and no-one would care. Sir David would just explain how they were going to make things better and we’d all immediately feel better about everything.”

With the majority of the public throwing their weight behind the plan, mandatory background checks are being undertaken on the future rulers to ensure none have ever engaged in any naughtier activities than running through a field of wheat.

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