Thursday 8 June 2017 by Pete Redfern

Tory voters avoiding eye contact with NHS staff in polling station queues


Man avoiding eye contact

Conservative voters are awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact with National Health Service employees as they wait to cast their votes, according to reports.

Polling station staff have noticed a degree of tension between some Tory voters and employees of the organisation they would happily see dismantled and flogged off to the highest bidder under a Conservative government.

The presiding officer of Little Arseworth polling station, Eleanor Gay, noted, “We have already had a number of Conservative voters stroll in here proudly and loudly announcing who they will be voting for, and repeating ‘strong and stable’ to themselves with a smile.

“But we’ve noticed that if there happens to be a nurse, doctor or another member of NHS staff in the room then they suddenly pipe down and look in another direction, or begin tunelessly whistling in an attempt to distance themselves emotionally from the shameful situation.

“It’s almost as if they realise, if only for a moment, that by voting for Conservatives they will be ruining the NHS and continuing the capping of NHS staff pay.”

Tory voter and monumental bellend Simon Williams denied the claim, insisting “True, there was a nurse in the polling station when I went in, and yes I feel a bit bad for her that she hasn’t had a pay rise in years and may lose her job as a result of future privatisation, but a strong and stable government demands some sacrifices.

“And I wasn’t avoiding eye contact – I was merely gazing at that lovely field of wheat through the window.”

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