Tuesday 6 June 2017 by Pete Redfern

Terrorists disappointed with reward of 72 virgins after discovering they are all male former terrorists


ISIS surprised to find virgins are other ISIS soldiers

The terrorists who died in a volley of bullets on Saturday night have been left gutted after discovering that the virgins awaiting them in the afterlife are other dead ISIS fighters.

It is believed that the three attackers are already regretting getting themselves shot by police after each being rewarded with seventy-two equally angry young male virgins to satisfy them for eternity.

“Oh shit,” said one, using surprisingly foul language for a supposedly religious person. “Is this it?

“Where are the nubile young ladies I was promised? What is the refund policy?”

One of the others piped up, “One of my seventy-two virgins looks like Jihadi John. Wait. Bollocks, it is Jihadi John.

“I mean, I’m delighted to meet him as he was a bit of a hero of mine, but I don’t particularly want to shag him.”

The third then reportedly pointed out, “Guys, never mind the virgin situation – why is it so hot in here and who is that scary looking bastard with the pitchfork?”

It is understood from sources within the depths of Hell that the terrorists can either accept their reward and manfully start working their way through the male virgins, or they can wait around to become part of a seventy-two strong reward for the next ideologically twisted loser that makes his way down there.

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