Monday 5 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

The Canary stands by story that Jeremy Corbyn levitated and healed those who came before him


Jeremy Corbyn walks on water

Online magazine The Canary has denied that its claim that Jeremy Corbyn ‘levitated several inches off the ground and healed the sick that came before him’ is an exaggeration.

The website also slammed the BBC for ignoring the levitation.

“We have a credible witness who saw Jeremy levitate and heal the sick,” said Simon Williams, a Canary spokesperson who wore a matching ‘I bloody love Jeremy’ t-shirt, badge, and scarf’ set.

“Yes, granted, he was quite drunk when I spoke to him but he was only on his third can when he actually saw the levitation so I the only reason I can imagine the BBC won’t listen to him is institutional bias against Jeremy Corbyn.”

The article was the latest in a series of stories from The Canary that posit the MP for Islington North may well be divine.

“I am a committed atheist,” continued Mr Williams.

“But it seems to me that levitating and healing the sick is just the latest in a long line of events that prove Jeremy is the second coming of Jesus Christ.

“Walking on water, feeding the multitudes with just a bag of Piper’s artisan crisps, and turning fish into wine. All of these events probably happened, I certainly need no more proof than that.”

Mr Williams saved the most persuasive argument for Jeremy Corbyn’s divinity until last.

“He’s just so dreamy. How can anyone that dreamy be a mere human?”

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