Saturday 3 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Incompetent halfwit arse of a driver takes seconds to realise lights are green


A hopeless, amateur cretin of a driver has wasted everybody’s valuable time by taking several seconds to realise that the lights have turned green and that traffic can move again.

The incident occurred, naturally, in the centre of London earlier today.

“When the lights turn green, you move forward immediately,” said ‘business’ man Simon Williams who had many, many important things he could have been doing during the few seconds the car in front took to begin moving.

“You don’t fanny around doing your face mascara or disco dancing to Rhianna and the One Directions.”

Although a reasonable man, Mr Williams was forced to take action.

“Well, I’m not an aggressive driver, but under the circumstances, I think I was quite justified in holding down the horn whilst leaning out of the window making a crude hand gesture and shouting a wide variety of swearwords at what I can only assume was the woman in front.

“And that’s not me being sexist, it’s just telling it like it is.”

Happily, Mr Williams wasn’t put out for long.

“Yes, I was able to accelerate and overtake after they’d eventually moved. I had to take a zebra crossing at speed, but under the circumstances, it was necessary – and anyway, everyone was able to scramble out of the way.

“Honestly, some people just shouldn’t be on the road.”

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