Friday 2 June 2017 by Garth ApThomas

Trump announces ‘Donald’s Ark’ to allay fears of climate change disaster


Donald's Ark

Donald Trump has unveiled a huge ship as his answer to mounting concerns that pulling out of the Paris climate accord could result in environmental catastrophe.

Mr Trump says that the Donald’s Ark project means that even if massive flooding does take place from increased carbon emissions, civilisation can still survive and thrive.

“This proves there is no need to fear changing weather patterns, and we can go ahead polluting as much as we like,” Mr Trump told Congress as he justified his decision to withdraw from the climate accord.

Under the Donald’s Ark scheme, the giant ship will be loaded up with only the minimum amount of lavish luxuries required to keep Mr Trump happy.

The craft’s manifest will include a massive amount of gold and a selection of ladies personally chosen by the president to repopulate the world with.

Mr Trump revealed that he had made an executive decision not to include any animals on the ark.

“I’m a germophobe and don’t want smelly animals coming in two by two annoying the humans. I’m the only silverback those foxy vixens are going to need, if you take my meaning.

“I feel the world will be a better place without lots of dumb-ass wild beasts screaming at the tops of their voices and waving their arms around in a crazy fashion,” added Mr Trump, screaming at the top of his voice and waving his arms around in a crazy fashion.

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