Friday 2 June 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Our secret plan for Brexit is better than their secret plan for Brexit, claims politician


Brexit

A politician has claimed in no uncertain terms that their secret plan for Brexit is considerably better than their opponent’s secret plan for Brexit.

The politician, who was wearing a suit and had absolutely no conscience whatsoever, made the claims yesterday because it was his turn to do so.

“It seems clear to me that none of my opponents have any sort of plan to deal with Brexit,” he said.

“Whereas we have a very clear and detailed secret plan for Brexit that I’ve definitely seen and which is absolutely smashing, it’s going make everyone 4% richer, improve the weather and add several inches to the length of your penis.”

However, the politician’s claims were immediately rubbished by his opponent.

“Their secret plan for Brexit? A load of old balls. Everyone should definitely trust me when I say that our secret plan for Brexit is the secret plan for Brexit you want to go for.

“It’s a ruddy marvel. With our plan, life expectancy will increase by several years, your computer boot time will be slashed, and Mars bars will go back to the size they were when you were a child.”

It is expected that tomorrow a different politician will claim that their secret plan for Brexit is better than their opponent’s secret plan for Brexit.

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