Thursday 1 June 2017 by Lucas Wilde

“Well, that was fucking awful,” concludes Amber Rudd


Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd would like to start the day with a stiff drink.

The Home Secretary is licking her wounds following a bruising encounter with six members of opposing political parties, who took turns in mocking almost everything she said or has ever done in the past.

“She’s not a happy bunny,” confirmed party spokesperson Simon Williams.

“She wanted to come across as strong and stable, but instead came across as shouty and bitter, which is subtly different.

“In hindsight, we should have sent someone a bit more likeable, but, unfortunately, Hitler is dead.

“Ideally we would have sent the Prime Minister, but if you can find her then you’re a better man than I am.

“I mean, it’s a sorry state of affairs when Tim ‘Drip’ Farron is leading the roast against you.

“I’ve read the papers this morning and the general consensus is that she came across like an angry school teacher supervising at a sports day, who believes that sports are a waste of time, and she’s also just been stung on the chin by a wasp.”

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