Wednesday 31 May 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May won’t join Jeremy Corbyn for leaders’ debate because she’s ‘watching Britain’s Got Talent’


Britain's Got Talent

Following Jeremy Corbyn’s announcement that he will take part in tonight’s leaders’ debate, Theresa May has confirmed that she will not be joining him because she’s staying in to watch Britain’s Got Talent.

A statement from Number 10 also mentioned that she had a number of girl-jobs that she needed to catch up on.

“The important thing to be clear on here is that Theresa May is definitely not scared of debating with Jeremy Corbyn,” said a Conservative spokesperson.

“No way, nuh-huh, abso-postively not, cross my heart and hope to die.

“She would definitely love to debate Mr Corbyn and, indeed, the other leaders, whoever they are, but she hasn’t seen Britain’s Got Talent for weeks and so she’s going to stay in and watch that instead.

“She enjoys the young urchin with magical powers.”

When it was pointed out that ITV have a robust catch-up service, the spokesperson began listing all the girl-jobs that Mrs May needed to do as well.

“Sewing buttons, baking things, performing oral sex on her husband. She’s just got loads on.

“It’s a real shame as she would definitely, definitely love to debate with Jeremy Corbyn and would probably win and everything but she’s just far too busy and not scared.”

Number 10 have also turned down the BBC’s offer to postpone the event until tomorrow because “Top of the Pops 1983 is on BBC4 and it might have Adam and the Ants on”.

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