Wednesday 31 May 2017 by Lucas Wilde

“Covfefe” actually Cuntonese for “I don’t know what I’m doing”


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It has been revealed today that President Trump’s mysterious ‘covfefe’ tweet is actually a cry for help.

According to a leading linguist, the cunning Simon Williams, in the ancient tribal race of people known as “Cunts”, the word “covfefe” roughly translates as, “I never actually wanted this, I don’t know how to do it and I want it to stop”.

Williams added, “Cuntonese is an ancient and incredibly stupid dialect used by some of the thickest people on earth.

“Most of them died out thanks to a variety of self-inflicted accidents such as walking off cliffs, sawing off tree branches that they were sitting on, or walking up to a tough guy and calling him a big girl’s blouse.

“Some of the Cunts still survive and it’s for this reason that The Daily Mail continues to retain a readership.

“But we were hitherto unaware that President Trump was au fait with such a bizarre, rarely used language. We were of the understanding he just barely got to grips with English.

“Perhaps he is secretly a Cunt as well. There’s just no way of telling.”

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