Thursday 25 May 2017 by Andrew

“Now it’s too hot,” declares man who spent past 8 months complaining it was too cold


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46-year-old Simon Williams from Hertfordshire has declared that it’s now “too hot”, despite having spent the past eight months complaining about it being too cold.

The precious little petal, known as Goldilocks to his friends, has spent the morning refilling his water bottle from the cold tap then holding it to his head, and ostentatiously fanning himself like he’s a Victorian woman whose corsets are too tight.

Only a week ago, Williams was moaning about the “bloody rain”, and how he’d only just switched his central heating off, and has managed to perform a full 180 degree about turn in his complaints without a single day in between, beating last year’s efforts when he spent at least two days saying, “Not bad for the time of year”.

Williams was last seen heading into Boots the Chemist where he is planning to spend the afternoon standing under the air conditioning vent and saying, “Typical, eh?” to anyone passing.

The warm weather, known as spring, is set to continue.

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