Thursday 25 May 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump grabs Pope by the pussy


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There were red faces in the Trump administration after it emerged that on meeting the Pope, the President of the United States attempted to grab him by the groin.

The incident occurred as the two men met for a meeting about, amongst other things, not grabbing people by the pussy.

Initially the White House tried to play down the incident.

“The President definitely did not try to grab the Pope by the pussy or groin or whatever,” said White House Press Secretary and Jester Sean Spicer.

“As so often happens, the President was walking along and the floor, because it wasn’t an American floor, was poorly maintained and so the President stumbled and, reaching out to steady himself he appeared to grab the Pope’s pussy … cock … genital, you know, place of … being.”

However, President Trump himself appeared to contradict the official White House statement.

“I moved on the Pope like a bitch,” chuckled the deranged ex-Home Alone 2 star.

“I mean the guy, he’s standing there, he’s just, you know, standing there in this big dress. So of course, I figure it’s a broad and when you’re a star you can do anything. Grab them by the pussy, anything.”

“So I grabbed the Pope by the pussy.”

“I don’t think there was any offence. It was an honest mistake, he’s a famous guy. He understood.”

It has since emerged that potential embarrassment was averted as the President has such tiny, tiny hands that the Presidential attempt to grab his Papal parts went unnoticed by the Holy Father.

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