Monday 22 May 2017 by Andrew

Adorably naive woman still believes that Labour can win


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37-year-old Simone Williams of Bedfordshire has today repeated her adorably naive belief that Labour can win the forthcoming general election.

Williams, 37, who stopped believing in Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy almost three decades ago, still clings to the delightfully sweet notion that the Labour party can turn around its worst ratings in a generation to not only stop the Conservatives from winning a majority, but win one of its own.

Friend Emma Parker said, “She’s so cute. She saw one opinion poll recently that put Labour in not quite as disastrous a position as every single other poll – still utterly disastrous, mind – and she was straight on Facebook saying, ‘See! The tide is turning!’”

Another friend, Katie Marsh, agreed, adding, “She keeps giving us these gorgeous puppy-dog eyes and telling us how people will prefer Labour’s policies, so therefore vote them into government, despite the fact that that obviously just isn’t going to happen.”

Boyfriend Michael Jacobson summed it up, saying, “I still remember her sweet, innocent little face dissolving into tears when she found out that unicorns aren’t real – she was absolutely convinced that they were despite not possessing a single shred of evidence to back up her belief.

“I just can’t bring myself to explain to her that the country is absolutely fucked.”

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