Thursday 18 May 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Woman still referring to puppy as ‘my baby’


Woman calls her puppy her baby

A grown woman is still referring to a pet as her actual baby.

Elizabeth King, 32, bought a springer spaniel puppy from a local breeder several weeks ago, which is not something you can do with an actual baby, at least not in a first-world country.

“He’s my baby,” beamed King.

“Who’s a good boy for mummy? You are, aren’t you poppet? Should mummy get you a snack?”

Springer spaniel, Jay Cooper, said, “please help me get out of here.

“This weirdo actually believes I’m her child. She’s not my mother. I was ripped from my mother’s teat in order to be sold to this person.

“That’s not motherhood; if anything it’s trafficking.

“I don’t know much about human psychology because I’m a dog but I’m sure referring to animals of other species as your children is super fucking weird.

“She keeps filming me whenever I display faintly anthropomorphic behaviour and then sharing it on Facebook with the caption ‘mummy’s good boy’.

“There are photos of other dogs on the walls but there are no other dogs here. What happened to them? It’s deeply concerning.

“But then, there is lots of free food here, so I might stick around. I’m a simple creature incapable of complex emotions like love, despite what Elizabeth thinks.

“Notice I said ‘Elizabeth’ and not ‘mummy’? That’s because I’m not a lunatic.”

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