Wednesday 17 May 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Melania Trump phoning round removal companies in Washington


Melania Trump removals

First Lady Melania Trump is understood to be phoning round local removal companies.

Reports of Mrs Trump’s investigation began coming in late last night.

“Yeah, I had just done the last job of the day when this broad called my cell and she goes ‘Hey, it’s Melania,’ then she sort of gets twitchy and goes ‘No, call me Mrs T’,” said Simon Williams who runs Washington’s ACE removal company.

“She then said that her family might have to move out of Washington soon and wanted to know how much.”

Mr Williams proceeded to quote Mrs Trump a reasonable rate

“You’re damn right I gave the lady a good price. That guy? You know, her husband? He knows people, you know? No way I piss that guy off.”

White House press secretary Sean Spicer issued a statement on the matter.

“Mrs Trump has definitely not been phoning round local removal companies, it was a different Melania Trump, someone completely unconnected to the President who also just happens to live in a big white house.”

A suspicious silence held in the press briefing from for a few seconds before Mr Spicer cracked.

“Okay, so it was Mrs Trump, but she just curious about removal company fees. What is so unusual about that? Who hasn’t spent an idle afternoon calling local business and and…seeing…”

He then pointed out the window

“Look it’s Hilary Clinton!”

The assembled press looked and when they turned back Mr Spicer had run away.

It is understood that if the Trumps were to move, a local removal firm run by Russians will give them an excellent deal for no apparent reason.

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