Monday 15 May 2017 by Pete Redfern

Apple user left ‘chronically smug’ after global PC cyber-attack


Macbook user chronically smug

An Apple devotee has become almost unbearably smug after learning of the hacking of millions of Windows computers across the world.

The cyber-attack has hit 150 countries since Friday, causing widespread chaos to businesses and services worldwide by exploiting a flaw in Microsoft Windows to corrupt files and install a ‘ransomware’ virus demanding payment in return for the uncorrupted files.

The news has caused serious concern for large organisations such as the National Health Service and has also resulted in mass smirking amongst proud Apple product enthusiasts such as 27-year-old Simon Williams.

“Oh that is a shame,” he chuckled to reporters, taking another sip of a ludicrously expensive Frappuccino in front of his Apple MacBook Pro in an independent coffee shop in Shoreditch.

“I can’t imagine how it must feel to anxiously turn on a Windows PC every day, wondering if this will be the day a virus comes and destroys all your hard work and takes what little money you have.

“Of course, I wouldn’t know – what with only using Apple products and them being so secure and awesome, and virus-free and all that shit.”

When pressed by reporters if he had any sympathy for the NHS organisations struggling to deliver services in the wake of the attack he shrugged and replied, “I just don’t know why they didn’t get their parents to buy them Apple computers instead of Windows PCs, just like I did.

“It’s a no-brainer, right?”

Reports of increasing levels of smugness among Apple users worldwide have only been tempered by growing fears that the cyber-attack may cause an increase in uncool, ignorant commoners considering joining the exclusive ‘Apple user’ club in the future.

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