Tuesday 9 May 2017

Regional journalists warned against making eye contact with prime minister


Theresa May campaign trail

Regional journalists in areas to be visited by Theresa May have been warned never to make eye contact and to avoid any sudden questions that could be deemed ‘aggressive’.

Many have reported being locked away in groups until the prime minister has been declared docile enough for public interaction, with strict safety protocols ensuring reporters are trained not look her in the eye and to passively hold out any questions they might have in the hope she might approach them.

Journalist Simon Williams told us, “It was so cool, I work for the local paper and nothing exciting ever happens here – so to get see a real live prime minister up this close was amazing.

“I wrote down a question, just like her handlers told us to – it was about how jobs in the local factory are under threat due to increased import prices of components post-Brexit, and what she might want to say to reassure voters in this region.

“I held it out towards her, just like we were told to – apparently she has a very strict diet of easy questions and can be quite picky about accepting them from people she doesn’t know and trust.

“As instructed, I stayed absolutely silent while looking straight at the floor the entire time she was in our presence – though my heart began racing as she slowly approached me before sniffing around my question for a good few seconds.

“But unfortunately she just snorted before throwing her head back and giving her signature bray about being ‘strong and stable’ before moving on.

“Regardless, it was an amazing experience. How many people can say they’ve had a real live prime minister completely ignore their question like that?  Not many, I’ll bet.”

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