Friday 5 May 2017 by Neil Tollfree

‘We know our place’ voters tell Tories


Voters unhappy

With the results of the local elections showing a significant shift towards the Tories, it seems that the voters of Great Britain have risen as one to say ‘We know our place.’

“I voted Tory,” said servile wretch Simon Williams.

“I know my place and it’s important to do as you’re told by your betters, so I did.”

Mr Williams thought that his life would be better under five years of Tory rule.

“What I think will happen is that the Tories will make the really rich people even richer, and so that will make them all happy and then they’ll probably throw down a few more scraps to us simple folk.”

However, he made it clear that wasn’t the reason that he voted Tory.

“Oh my God no, I would never vote to improve my life in anyway. That would be mental. No, I voted Tory because that’s what I was told to do and I know my place – if I can enjoy a few fleeting moments of happiness as a result of the capricious whims of my betters, then that’s a bonus.”

Mr Williams was clear how he’d be voting in the upcoming election.

“Tory. Of course. That’s what I’ve been told and that’s what I’ll do.

“Although I’m not sure where, normally we vote at the local primary school. But that’s been closed for some reason.

“Still, nothing you can do about that I suppose.”

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