Friday 5 May 2017

Don’t worry, we have plenty of experience of dealing with terrible election results, confirm UKIP


UKIP Paul Nuttall

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has insisted their poor showing in the local elections is nothing to worry about because they’re well used to it by now.

With results from 23 councils now in, UKIP has lost 41 councillors and made precisely zero gains in a night many are calling ‘about par for the course considering it’s UKIP we’re talking about here’.

However, leader Paul Nuttall remained defiant, telling reporters, “When your party leader has secured fewer votes in an election than a man in a dolphin costume, you know what real failure looks like – so losing every council seat in a staunchly Brexit area like Essex is simply water off a duck’s back.

“If that duck could only quack the word ‘immigrants’ and refused to accept its role in society is now obsolete.

“That’s the thing about losing; you get used to it. Thankfully.”

UKIP voters have insisted the latest results are merely a blip, with one telling us, “UKIP will go from strength to strength now that the thing we mainly campaign on is already happening without our involvement.

“Yes, Brexit is definitely underway, but you wait until the electorate hears our policies on privatising the NHS – that’s a sure-fire vote-winner right there.”

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