Thursday 4 May 2017 by Davywavy

King Joffrey defines being beheaded as a pre-existing condition


Joffrey pre-existing conditions

Ned Stark was not eligible for insurance as having his head cut off was a pre-existing condition, King Joffrey has confirmed.

Stark, who had been relying on his insurance to keep him alive, had his head lopped off this afternoon in an event Joffrey described as ‘Completely unavoidable and sad!’

The temperamental boy-king, who is prone to public petulant outbursts, insisted that his reform of Obaratheoncare would improve the lives of his subjects and Ser Robert Strong agreed with him if anyone wants to argue.

Several other complaints have been reclassified as pre-existing, including being beaten by your friend at crossbow-point, being killed by your brother in shadow-demon form, and being stolen at birth and given to the white walkers.

Members of the Gold Cloaks will continue to receive full cover for all conditions.

“This is a great day for the seven kingdoms!” Joffrey announced through Varys’ ‘little birds’ – or Twitter as they are known.

“Millions of our subjects will very soon no longer need healthcare!

“Or food, housing, air or anything else needed by the living.”

Grateful subjects have thronged the Great Sept to pray, as that is now their most likely source of healthcare.

Many supplicants are reported to be so happy they have gone through the other side of joy and appear to be crying and terrified.

When asked, Tyrion Lannister said he planned to get very drunk indeed.

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