Wednesday 3 May 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May-bot to be switched off and on again


Theresa May robot

The Theresa May-bot that the Tories are using to run for election is to be switched off and on again after concerns that it may be developing a fault.

Initially created to be one of the most lifelike robots in the world, in recent days the Theresa May-bot has displayed increasingly erratic behaviour such as the constant repetition of a single phase or the inability to eat chips.

“It’s the repetition thing that’s the real concern,” said technician Eleanor Gay.

“You see, the Theresa May-bot should be self-correcting. Aberrant behaviour is identified and corrected. Like the election thing. The Theresa May-bot is programmed to seek and consolidate power, so not holding an election was aberrant, the Theresa May-bot recognised this and self-corrected by announcing the election.

“If it’s not recognising that repeating ‘strong and stable’ over and over again is aberrant, then who knows what other errors have developed that can’t be seen.

“Best case; it could start sparking from one ear as it repeats ‘strong and stable’ over again while continually walking into a wall. Worst case; it could be seeking to cripple the UK through irrational and self-destructive foreign policies before seeking to eradicate the human race.

“Hopefully switching it off and on again should sort it.”

However, voters seemed not to be put off by the fact that the Tory leader is a cold, inhuman, unthinking robot who may well kill us all.

“No, I’ll still vote Tory, even though Theresa May is a robot with no real understanding of or empathy toward the human race,” said voter Simon Williams

“I mean, Labour is a shambles.”

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