Thursday 27 April 2017 by Davywavy

Ministry of Magic criticises Boris Johnson for calling Jeremy Corbyn a ‘muggle’


Boris Johnson mugwump Jeremy Corbyn

“I meant to call him a squib”, insists Johnson.

The Ministry of Magic has criticised Boris Johnson for referring to Jeremy Corbyn as a ‘Muggle’ today, saying that the use of such an outdated term adds nothing to political debate.

Speaking to Rita Skeeter on the Today programme, Johnson said that “there is nothing magical” about Jeremy Corbyn, and suggested that if he waved his wand nothing would happen except a disappointing ‘phut’.

“Corbyn’s refusal to use the Cruciatus curse on our enemies puts the country in danger”, he said. “He refuses even to keep it up his sleeve as a deterrent.

“Anyone looks at Britain funny I’ll Avada Kedavra them like a shot,” he added, waving his wand about.

“Pew, pew pew! Ker-zap! Zrop zrop zrop.”

A spokesman for Corbyn said that as a wise old beardy fellow it’s obvious he has powerful magic at his disposal, and he’s bound to be demonstrating it any time now so could everyone stop asking, please.

“Anyone who says Jeremy isn’t a great wizard is obviously under a Stupefy curse,” we were told.

The election campaign is expected to be a vicious one, with Corbyn already under attack for his association with Death Eaters back in the 1980s when He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named was staging attacks on the British mainland.

However, Corbyn insists he was trying to ‘open a dialogue for peace’ when he invited Peter Pettigrew and Bellatrix LeStrange to speak in Westminster two weeks after they attempted to murder James and Lily Potter in Brighton.

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