Thursday 27 April 2017 by JS Harding

Children of vegetarians ‘overjoyed’ as UK suffers hummus shortage


hummus shortage

The offspring of the UK’s vegetarian population are celebrating across the nation today, after it emerged that several supermarkets have withdrawn some of their ranges of the congealed, pulse-based ‘food’ hummus, following a production issue.

Made from chickpeas, phlegm and smugness, hummus has proved to be a popular yet remarkably bland foodstuff for superior dullards to foist upon their children since its arrival in UK supermarkets in the late 1980’s.

But the production snag has seen stock levels plummet, with aisles of cross, weak-limbed veggies on the verge of tutting before feebly pushing their trollies to the vitamin supplements section.

However, their long-suffering children are, conversely, rejoicing at the news of the production glitch.

“This is awesome,” confirmed Cosmo Williams, reluctant veggie and son of meat-dodgers when pushed for comment.

“Every day me and my other farty mates open our lunchboxes only to find that mum’s packed this ill-looking, lumpy muck to sadly chew upon whilst we’re desperate for a bloody pepperami or something.

“I’m sure mum will find some other bizarre, tasteless stodge to stink my lunchbox up with but this is a bloody good result.”

It is believed that emergency rations of falafel are to be jettisoned over the most severely irritating parents’ gardens should the hummus paucity not improve over the next 48 hours.

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