Wednesday 26 April 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Tim Farron also fine with light S&M, mutual masturbation, and threesomes


Tim Farron on sex practises

Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron has confirmed that not only does he think that gay sex is definitely not a sin, but that he’s also perfectly fine with S&M, mutual masturbation, and threesomes.

Mr Farron had been dodging the gay sex question for some weeks now, but last night appeared to realise that his attitudes towards sex were becoming an issue and so he gave a frank and open interview on the topic.

“Gay sex is not a sin,” said Mr Farron.

“Neither is S&M, mutual masturbation, threesomes, foursomes, dogging, catting, fannyback Fridays, Dumptrucking, squeezy piledrivers, doing the backward horse, frunkling with a shnublit, frottering in the undergrowth, crabbing, bumpfundling, manhandling, praising the sun, herding, lying with the cabbages, doing the hot cheesefondue, or hardcore bareback anal.”

He personally did have some reservations about shunting the supply-line, but if it was two consenting adults involved then he believed it came down to the individuals’ respective consciences.

Mr Farron, however, would not drawn on whether he thought that rampaging triple monkey biscuits were a sin, or not, as that was a subscription only channel on YouPorn and he wasn’t sure how that would look on party expenses.

The freaky, weirdo, boggle-eyed God-botherer.

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