Wednesday 26 April 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Nestle ‘take back control’ by sending hundreds of jobs to Europe


Nestle executives

Popular dismal chocolatiers Nestle have announced that they are ‘taking back control’ by moving three hundred jobs to Poland.

Nestle, best known for inedible, crumbly rubbish like Yorkies and Dairy Crunch, announced the plans earlier today, adding that they hoped to keep strong ties with their ‘friends’ in the UK.

“Obviously, we’ve been tremendously inspired by the UK’s brave decision to take back control and leave the EU,” said a spokesperson.

“In very much the same spirit of ‘control’ we will be relocating a huge amount of production to a European location where we can ‘control’ our ability to move our product around the largest trading block on the planet.

“We’re taking this historic opportunity to shape our own destiny,” added the spokesperson.

“It’s basically an issue of sovereignty, which I recognise makes no real sense in this context, but that hasn’t seemed to stop it becoming a phrase in which people put considerable stock.”

Although the loss of the Nestle jobs will be a considerable blow to the UK economy, it is likely that the Government’s soon to be announced investment in the NHS will create more than enough jobs to accommodate everyone who finds themselves out of work.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!

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