Tuesday 25 April 2017 by flywingedmonkey and davywavy

Swoonings up 220% as Tom Hardy arrests a thief with his bare hands


Tom Hardy catches thief

Ladies across Britain have asked for the smelling salts today after Tom Hardy chased down and caught a thief in the street.

Hardy, whose role as most popular fiddle-fodder for the nation’s ladies was seriously challenged yesterday by the news that Captain America actor Chris Evans would be reading BBC Bedtime stories, rose magnificently to the challenge by chasing a thief across several gardens before bringing him down with a single, manly leap.

“A single manly leap, you say?” said self-declared lady, Simone Williams.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to go and…er…powder my nose.

“I’ll be five minutes. Maybe ten.

“Best be on the safe side. Call it twenty.”

Health bodies across the country have reported a leap in ladies swooning and ‘coming over all a-fluster’ at the news, with several hospitalised for heat exhaustion.

Evans is reported to be ‘furious’ at the news and plans to rescue a photogenic mongrel from a burning building to put him back in the running as soon as he can find one.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: