Monday 24 April 2017 by Garth Apthomas

Relief as Chelsea ensure Britain will not suffer another Chas and Dave FA Cup Final song


Chas and Dave

Music lovers across the country are ecstatic that Tottenham’s defeat to Chelsea on Saturday means there won’t be a new FA Cup song recorded by Chas and Dave.

Terrified families had been shuddering at the possibility of another novelty footy record being made by the famous North London piano-n-bass duo if Spurs had won.

However, after Chelsea ran out 4-2 winners in a classic semi-final encounter, the mood of the entire nation was visibly lifted.

Blacksmith Simon Williams, aged 42 of Devon, is 6ft 5in tall and weighs 16 stone. He spoke for many when he said: “I can put up with all this talk of imminent global nuclear annihilation without turning a hair.

“But the prospect of yet another FA Cup Final song by Chas and Dave made me just want to stay in bed all day and give up on life.”

Mr Williams’ views were echoed by recruitment consultant Colin Smith, aged 47 of Brighton, who said: “I’m a child of the 80s and lived through some terrible times.

“And without a doubt, one of my most traumatic memories was watching Chas and Dave’s Ossie’s Dream being performed on Top Of The Pops.

“I had a feeling of fear deep within my stomach warning me that hideous spectre might return.

“Thank God it’s over.”

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