Monday 24 April 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Opposition parties demand farmyard animals be given the vote


farm animals to get the vote

UK opposition parties have backed a call to enfranchise farmyard animals at the upcoming election.

All five major opposition parties support the call, with only UKIP declining to give its backing as – in the words of this week’s leader Paul Nuttall – ‘some of them cows is brown’.

“There is a distinct correlation between being human and voting Tory,” said a Lib-Dem spokesperson.

“This gives Theresa May a clear and unfair advantage.

“Farmyard animals live in this country as well, and surely they deserve the chance to have a say in these most momentous of times.”

Labour went even further.

“We in Labour welcome the call for the enfranchisement of decent, hardworking farmyard animals and would even extend this to include all animals that live in the UK today,” said a Labour spokesperson.

“Or, to be clear, we will most likely back this call but only after an embarrassing public feud about the matter that makes us look like a hapless bunch of amateurs.”

Current polling suggests that the animal kingdom would almost entirely vote against the Tory party because even creatures with limited intelligence such as beetles and donkeys understand that voting Tory is beneficial exclusively to a very limited collection of middle-aged rich men.

The only exception is cats, who would vote Tory because they’re bastards.

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