Friday 21 April 2017 by Dan Sweryt

Brain wonderdrug ‘could help Brexit voters’


brain wonder drug

Scientists may have found a drug that stops all neurodegenerative diseases, including those that caused people to vote for Brexit.

Neuroscientist Dr Simon Williams, was excited about the results, “I’d like to start human clinical trials on these brains as soon as possible.

“Conveniently there is another opportunity coming up on 8th June and we should know if the drug has worked by whether the Conservative Party are in power on the morning of the 9th.

“If they are, there is no hope of helping civilisation. Which is just as well, as all science funding will be cut anyway, very soon after.

“Many neurodegenerative diseases involve the production of faulty proteins resulting in severe consequences, like isolationism or an acute inability to use the contraction ‘you’re’ correctly.

“The brain cells shut down production for so long that they eventually start to self-harm, such as voting for Brexit.

“In an initial study, we used a compound that prevented the defence mechanism kicking in. Then we tested some racists we had bred in the lab. 99% of them went to the EU flag and only one, Nigel, went to the other side, where he made a lot of noise for a very long time.”

The findings have been described as a “turning point” for the liberal metropolitan elite.

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