Thursday 20 April 2017 by Gary Stanton

North Korean gulag victims offer sympathy to Brits forced to vote again


People bored of voting

North Korean dissidents with electrodes attached to their ball sacks have expressed sympathy towards Brits who face the renewed nightmare of the polling booth.

Speaking from their cramped cells, those who opposed the brutal regime of Kim Jong-un have united behind brave UK residents presented with another choice between candidates who probably won’t murder them.

North Korean concentration camp inhabitants say the viral clip of ‘Brenda from Bristol’ complaining about another vote has really brought home the hell of living in a comfortable non-violent democracy.

Meanwhile, victims of oppression worldwide have called on Theresa May to spare the UK the humiliation of deciding its future with substandard pencils.

Camp member Kim 4736 said, “Say what you like about Kim Jong-il, but when I was frogmarched to the polling station at 9pm on a rainy Thursday, I wasn’t faced with a ballot paper with nine different names on it.

“You’re in and out like a shot – none of this dithering or weighing up the alternatives.”

Fellow inmate Kim 4737 said, “It’s so hard to get yourself to the polling booth, especially on a full stomach.

“If you had a gun to your head, it would make it so much easier.”

He added, “And to think I had my entire family murdered fighting for democracy.

“I feel like a right fucking bellend now, I can tell you.”

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